Look closely at the human body with compassion, draw, repeat

“They say” that repetition is a sign of insanity, and yet other theys say it is only through repetition (of positive action) that we can learn to move beyond the things that keep us stuck.

I couldn’t find the quote I was looking for, but I clearly remember reading that the words we use to express love we repeat constantly to keep love alive. Which made me think about how many times I’ve told my kids that I love them, and will continue to do so for their entire lives…nude self-portraitAs a person who dares call myself an artist, I am not pretentious enough to imagine that by drawing the body, particularly my own body, I am inventing anything new. My drawings are not original or outstanding or mindblowing in any way. They are not made for the result, nor are they made to impress or to sell. They are the end product of a process, sometimes extremely satisfying and peaceful, other times frustrating and boring. They come from a process undertaken repeatedly to rewire the way I see myself. And it’s working.

And yet the very proposition of looking closely at the human body, my own, your own, any body and every body – from a perspective of compassion, acceptance and tenderness – in this day and age, is absolutely original, outstanding and mindblowing.

self-portrait from photograph

Photographing and drawing myself again and again have often brought up feelings of self-rejection, distress, and disgust. Yet the practice has also brought up life-changing discoveries, like seeing the innocence, beauty, and the inestimable value of a human body; mine, and everyone else’s. It has cut through the bullshit I heard my mind say over and over again, to help me learn to see beauty where there was only criticism, and the power in vulnerability where I only wanted to see strength.

In spite of my two-decades long practice, I have also gone weeks, months, years, without drawing, but I always come back to it. I have gone even longer without accepting to take photos of myself, or others, but every time I take the leap, I find again what a gift it is to allow or to be allowed to approach the core of our humanity, not in an intellectual way, but in a deeply embodied way that goes beyond personal desire or pleasure to simply observe and accept what is there. Sometimes naked and afraid, and also naked and proud.

“I no longer look for the good in people, I search for the real… because while good is often dressed in fake clothing, real is naked and proud no matter the scars”.  – Chishala Lishomwa

Self-image and false identification

We all want to look our best, all the time. It is human nature to want to be seen and appreciated. But if we don’t even know that we have been brainwashed by our visual culture into constantly evaluating our appearance against completely unattainable norms, how can we do anything other than follow the crowd?

nude drawing, self-portrait

In the history of humanity, has personal appearance has ever held as much importance? Didn’t there use to be groups, tribes, whose energies focused on activities to ensure survival for all, for the common good?  Today, more than ever, it seems like it’s all about me, my wants, my needs, my success; a bunch of competing me’s rather than groups of caring humans working together, motivated by mutual growth and support.

Many people fall into a form of slavery to their self-image, trying to be original and be noticed, yet at the same time not wanting to stray too far from accepted norms.

Others fall into a roller-coaster ride of seeking outside validation for their looks or their personal value, then suffering from devaluation when their self-judgement kicks in and makes them doubt not only their beauty, but their worth.

I have danced all of these dances intimately, and have heard many other women and men echo the pain and difficulties I’ve experienced. Ultimately, we are dealing with false images of ourselves that we build and destroy constantly, without recognizing who we really are.

How can we change these false images? We can blame  advertising or social media, but to really change the way we see, we have to change what we look at. We need to regularly see a variety of diverse bodies, not only in flattering clothing, but also, just  bodies, just the way are. Exposure to “regular people” nude really helps to normalize our perception of different body shapes, sizes and conditions.

Berlin artist Sophia Vogel offers an interesting take on people in their everyday lives doing things they love to do; first dressed, then nude. Notice if you find these images  amusing, shocking, ordinary or boring, or if they make you feel uncomfortable!

Anastasia (series) – IV

We took at least a hundred photographs, then sat down together at my computer to go through them. We agreed that these images belonged to her, and would never be shared with anyone else, but she was okay with me making drawings based on some of them. We sorted through, and she left me about 30 images – those that did not clearly show her face – and the rest were copied onto a CD and erased from my camera’s memory card. 

Curvy woman posing nude to work on loving her body better

I finally drew this series 5 years later. I haven’t seen Anastasia since the photo shoot, but we’ve stayed in contact. I’m not sure where she’s at with her body image or her weight, but she has continued to work on herself and grow stronger. I know that life is not always easy for her, but she is tenacious. Drawing her was a wonderful process for me, mostly because I’d gained weight since I last saw her, and for the first time in my life I was able to identify with curvier women. I saw the beauty above and beyond the extra weight.

Curvy woman posing nude to learn to love her body

You can be sexy and feel confident in your skin, no matter what size you are.” – Ashley Graham